Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Tips on Dealing with Paranormal Beings

It’s best to announce the fact that you are not a vampire when knocking at a paranormal beings front door. Just on the off chance that there may be a Van Helsing descendant lurking in the bushes with a cross crudely fashioned out of particleboard.

Even though it’s a well known fact that the best place to chat with your deceased relatives is in your bathroom in the middle of night, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask them not to appear on the occasions that your boyfriend is spending the night.

Keep in mind that even though a demon can morph themselves to look like Brad Pitt, he is still a goat faced, two horned, snarling beast from Hell (just like Brad Pitt).

How convenient for you that zombie’s body parts frequently fall off. Holding the odd finger or nose hostage can make for an excellent bartering tool when trying to get a zombie to put a halt to subsequent zombie invasions.

Every newly turned female vampire needs a light in the loafers BFF by their side, for if nothing more than to keep them from committing a fashion faux pas.

There is a great deal of power in a name. You can’t send a demon to the abyss of hell unless you have his name. Obtaining the date and hour of its damnation is also helpful.

Dealing with paranormal beings is similar to setting the clock on your VCR or DVD player. It can’t be done successfully without a manual. Hopefully any manuals you come across on how to deal with paranormal beings will not be written in Japanese, (unlike every VCR or DVD manual I’ve ever seen).